It had to happen. The inevitable. I have heard the stories and seen the results of children gone wild with a pair of scissors. I had managed to escape until Monday. After bathing Analese I noticed her hair falling out. Falling out in HUGE chunks. It scared me. My brain went berserk thinking of all sorts of reasons my babies hair was falling out and none of them were good. I gave her hair a good combing and a more thourough examination at which time I could see clear evidence of a terrible haircut. I calmly asked her what had happened to her hair? “Ummmm. Grayson did it.” WHAT? Now I am not so calm and yelling for my son to “get down here right this instant“!” The story goes as such. Analese was jumping on the trampoline. She tried to get out of said trampoline and one of her braids caught in the zipper of the opening. She was stuck and crying so big brother had the brilliant idea of getting the scissors. Intent? Cut off the braid. Of course! Logical. When brother returned with scissors Analese had managed to free herself. Whew. Brother sets scissors down on BBQ in FULL view of 3 year old sister. Minutes pass, temptation arises and voila! New do. And you can certainly call 1/4 inch bangs on only one side of your face a new do. Seeing as how the alternative was one braid I am thanking God for small favors.
This post may be long. Really long. I’m warning you. Feel free to tune out at any time. I have nothing important to say. Things to say – yes, just not very important. As I write my daughter is lying on the couch watching Scooby Doo for the pillionth time. (This is a word my son Ian came up with several years ago. It means a whole lot). I used to be a huge fan of Scooby. I was so happy when Analese got over her Barney obsession, which was started by my mom thank you very much. We all jumped for joy and I promptly threw the DVD’s away lest she change her mind. About 6 months ago she settled on Scooby and that is where she has stayed. I hear the theme song in my sleep and I find myself saying “jinkies!” at inopportune moments. Trust me when I say I am over Scooby. ALL of us are. Except for Analese. Stubborn little bugger.
We celebrated Noah’s 13th birthday last weekend. He begged me to not put up a picture but I couldn’t resist just one. Apparently some kids at school were goofing around googling each others names and when they put in Noah’s name an old blog of my sisters came up. Voila! There was a picture of Noah and I. He was horrified. I have no idea why this bothered him so much but then again, I have no idea about anything to do with him anyhow. Teenagers mystify me. I am positive I was not anything like him. My mother-in-law (Noah’s grandma, my late husbands mother who I still call my MIL) flew out for a surprise visit. Not a surprise to me just to the kids. I don’t like *surprises. (I am a stick in the mud I know.) *For the record let me clarify. I like some surprises. Like if my husband brought home a (real) Louis Vuitton and said “honey I bought you something”, well, I like that kind of surprise. ANYWAYS, grandma came for a visit which was great. We had lots of fun and she cooks really good. I like being cooked for. I love food, I just can’t cook it. She made the most heavenly ice cream turtle cake for Noah. Lots of leftovers which are now sitting firmly on my hips. Noah got a new paintball gun for his birthday. I know nothing about paint balling except I have no desire to play it. I went once and that was enough for me. He and several friends went for his birthday and came home covered in mud and welts. Oh yeah. Fun.
Baseball season is upon us. I love baseball. Really, I do. However, having four boys who all play and who are all in different levels is ridiculous. I plan on living at the ball field. Someone open a Starbucks on the school campus please.
Lots to write about on the subject of our world but I will save that for another post. Have to collect my thoughts of which I have many.
Does anyone even care about Hollywood anymore? I didn’t hear about the Oscars at all. No one at work watched them. No customers watched them. I don’t even know what anyone wore which is usually what I love to see. All those people in la-la land are finally being reduced to irrelevance. It’s about time. I wonder how they feel about their huge tax increase courtesy of their hero Mr. Obama. Snicker. (That was snarky – I know). Snicker. *Edit – I am back. This is an edit. I have to confess I have not read any of my friends posts in a loooong time. I have been on an Internet fast of sorts. Not for lent, for personal reasons. (Doesn’t that sound annoying?) ANYWAYS, it seems as though some of my friends (ahem girly) DID watch the Oscars! In my defense, I do not live in a land of perpetual snow and ice with a good excuse to be cozied up inside. Also, these Hollywood people are practically my neighbors and in the news every stinkin’ day so I feel free to blab about them. Cough cough.
We are trying to buy a house. I hate when people say they are trying to buy a house. Like it is a physical act. But, for lack of better term that is what we are doing. We have looked and looked and looked. The housing market here is pitiful. The house we are trying to get is a short sale. Let me tell you, there is nothing short about a short sale. The short just means the sale price is short of what the bank is owed. It takes F-O-R-E-V-E-R. The first time we went to see the house the owner was there. She was passed out on her bed at 9:00 A.M., bottle of booze in hand. Our realtor just closed her door and proceeded with the showing. I thought maybe she was an old lady who was losing her family home but turns out she is my age and has two small children who attend the same elementary school as mine. She went through a divorce and well, now she can’t afford the house. I cried. Shame, shame, shame on all the financial gurus in the mortgage industry who got our country in this pickle. Printing more money is not going to help either. Oops, I said I was not going to write about the state of our being right now.
So there you have it. Just some things.
This is my daughter and her purse, which is a castoff from her cousin Chloe. We have lots of such castoffs mostly naked Barbies and well, purses. My daughter loves purses. She loves her purse, my purse and her Nana’s purse. She is really not above looking through a random strangers purse either. I have caught her doing this in church. She mainly looks for money, lip gloss or gum. Any of the three will do. This morning she has been carting around her Hello Kitty purse everywhere. She even took it with her in the bathroom. (Notice her hovering protectively in the last picture). I figured it must hold some great treasure so I coaxed her into a look-see. Hmmmm. A couple of pony holders, lip gloss, a purple phone, a Strawberry Shortcase flashlight, a tape measure and a pair of welding safety goggles. You know, just in case. There was also a pink bouncy ball, a grey plastic ball and an egg shaped foam thingy. I have no clue about the foam but apparently she does and that’s what really matters. She is also pretty insistent about taking her brothers old recorder to church. I am hoping to talk her out of actually bringing it in or the worship leaders may have an unexpected musical addition. My purse has never looked so boring.
I look forward to these every year. It’s truely mind boggling how stupid some people are. Be amazed.
Eighth Place :
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place :
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who ‘totally zoned when he ran,’ accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place :
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and sat in a beach chair at the bottom! When it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand, people on the beach used their hands and shovels to try and get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place :
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Cause of death?
The flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place :
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet made with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer, a clerk and several customers promptly returned fire. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 AM, so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to
toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one
had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman’s cable, lay nearby. They secured one end around Binghams leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Binghams foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS…
Zoo keeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant’s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL… AT LEAST FROM THE SHALLOW END.
Some time ago I read a wonderful passage by Omar B. Washington titled Things I Have Learned. You should seriously google him and find it. It is phenomenal. I have been thinking, thinking, thinking ever since about all the things I have learned in my short life and I finally decided to write them down. I don’t profess to be as eloquent or profound as Mr. Washington but these are my life lessons ya know? They are real. Some are silly but that doesn’t make them any less real.
~ I have learned that everyone makes mistakes and everyone needs forgiveness. It is okay to make mistakes as long as you say you are sorry, make it right and learn. If you don’t do the afore mentioned three it becomes much more than a mistake. It becomes a travesty.
~I have learned no man is an island. We need each other. We need a hand to pull us up when we fall and we need a friend to tell us when we are being stupid. We need someone to listen and someone to listen to. Needing someone is not weak. Trying to do everything on your own is. (Can I have some sappy music with this one?)
~I have learned being a parent is the hardest job in the universe. Oh, and it’s really underpaid.
~I have learned that the love I feel for my children, the overwhelming, unending, amazing love I feel is the same love Jesus has for me. After all, I am his child. I really could not grasp this until my first was born.
~I have learned it is better to just let some people go.
~I have learned the scriptures are true. It rains on the just and the unjust, there are seasons for everything, and if you judge you will be judged.
~I have learned there are different kinds of judging. God’s judgement is not for me. Judge Judy’s job is not for me. However, me thinking someone is high for going out of the house with certain clothing attire, make up, piercings and/or hairstyles is an okay kind of judging.
~I have learned peanut butter and bananas do taste pretty awesome together.
~I have learned it is okay to feel overwhelmed, have meltdowns, cry, scream and give in to bad days. Just so it is not everyday.
~I have learned there is not much out there some good chocolate and a new pair of shoes can’t fix. Except maybe the situation in the Middle East.
~I have learned there are really only two kinds of old people; nice and not nice. That’s it.
~I have learned mean people suck. There is no reason for meanness. Ever.
~I have learned my kids know more than I think. They hear more than I am aware and they understand far more than I want them to.
~I have learned sticks and stones may break my bones but words can really hurt me. Dr. McDreamy can fix a broken bone but it takes years to get over things said. This knowledge has made me aware of every word that comes out of my mouth. I am human and I still say things I shouldn’t but I am more careful. I don’t want to be responsible for someones therapy bill years down the line.
~I have learned we should listen to our mothers. They are older, have been through far more and presumably, are wiser.
~I have learned I should know my kids friends and their friends parents. I have learned to ask their teachers who they are hanging out with and what kind of kids they are. I have learned it pays to be informed. I have also learned to check their text messages.
~I have learned life is only as complicated as we make it.
~I have learned love is a decision, not a feeling or emotion.
~I have learned one should make informed, rational, brain-related decisions. Decisions based on thought not emotions. Your feelings may be passionate but they are also fleeting and if you make a decision based on them your screwed. It’s a big mess you have to clean up.
~I have learned we have all, at some point in the past (if we’ve lived long enough) or will in the future made/make decisions based on emotion. Apparently it’s one of those life lessons best learned personally.
~I have learned no matter how hard I try or how much I want to I am just not a good cook. There I said it.
~I have learned life is meant to be lived. It is short and we only get one chance.
~I have learned to not live with regrets. I have regrets but I choose to not dwell on them or live my present with them in mind. Clarifying here.
~I have learned the world does not stop for ANYONE. No matter the heartbreak, no matter the situation, no matter how much you want it to. It just doesn’t stop.
~I have learned it is hard to change a poopie diaper in an airplane bathroom.
~I have learned to use spellcheck. Always. Spelling matters. So does grammer, puncuation and vocabulary. It matters people.
~I have learned having three boys in Little League is enough. It was over the top for me to volunteer to be a team mom too.
I feel compelled to write about a subject that has been stewing in the ole brain for the past two weeks. I am not making a moral judgement and I may offend one of my 27 followers but this is my blog and therefore I can write any darn thing I want. I live in lovely California and while I love this state we do get our share of looney birds and I am not talking about our governor. That’s a whole other blog. Here’s the scoop. On January 26, Nadya Suleman gave birth to octuplets. She conceived via IVF. She is 33 years old, unemployed and has 6 other children ranging in ages 2-7. (My uterus and brain are taking turns contracting and spinning here). They were all conceived via IVF also. My brain has a hard time wrapping itself around this story. Besides the obvious mental (look at me; I’m nuts) and physical (ditto) strain of carrying, birthing and raising multiple children what about the monetary expense? Not just to raise children for heavens sake but the IVF procedure itself costs between $10,000 – $15,000 per try. Some couples scrimp and save for years to try and have children with this method and here is this woman on disability managing to get herself implanted with 6 embryos. Now let me be clear, I am not for the government or religion mandating how many children one should or should not have. I do not agree with China’s policy and all the reprocussions from their stance on child bearing although I find myself many times thinking 2 children enough for anyone. (I have five I’m allowed to think that). That being said I am not really for helping people have oodles and oodles of kids either. Like some kind of breeding program. Especially people who can’t support them financially. Especially, especially people who can’t support them emotionally. It seems very irresponsible. Just saying. I really question the moral ethics of this fertility specialist who has just been revealed as Dr. Michael Kamrava. I understand the typical amount of embryos implanted in a woman of Ms. Suleman’s age is 2 to 3. That not withstanding I am wondering how it is Dr. Kamrava did not take his patients mental stability into consideration before helping her conceive. It took me all of 5 minutes watching her interview to see the woman is strange, you’d think her doctor would sit up and take notice during her visits to his clinic. Ms. Suleman claims she has always been “fixated” on having children and is trying to fill a hole created by her own dysfunctional childhood. I find it odd she and her children live with this dysfunctional family now. Hmmmm. She also says she has no plans to go on welfare but does collect over $400 a month in food stamps. Umm isn’t that welfare? I have no problem with welfare when used properly just don’t say you are not going to collect it when you already do. I’m just SAYING. This whole story smells W-E-I-R-D. Very twilight zone-ish if ya know what I mean. Whew. I feel better getting all that out. Not judging, just SAYING.
Lot’s to ramble about today….
1. So Friday it rained here which is a very good thing. It is possible San Diego will be put on a strict water rationing program. I was informed this is for S.D. not Poway but since we are right down the street I can only imagine we are next. This frightens me on many levels the least not being I may have to take shorter showers. Oh, and I do two loads of laundry a day so my kids might have to wear something dirty if I can’t wash as much. The whole point of this point was to say it rained Friday and all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket and watch Season 3 of John and Kate Plus Eight. I love this show. I love any show on TLC. I can’t WAIT for a new season of Little People In A Big World. My mom thinks I’m weird but I am just fascinated with the Roloff’s. I am digressing again. SOOOO Friday night, while it was raining, and before I watched my new DVD, the hubby and I baked cupcakes. This is a feat in itself as I am not a domestic goddess. I even made, from scratch, frosting. Be afraid. It was soooo good. I used butter, cream cheese, powdered sugar and a little vanilla. Mmmmm. I put a dollop of red food coloring in to make the frosting a beautiful pink in honor of my little Miss. I was so proud of myself that I took a few pics.
2. Hold on to your hats folks I have decided to endorse a product here. It has taken me 13 years and 5 children but I have finally found it. The perfect sippie cup. You can breathe now. People, people, people it is no exaggeration here when I say I HAVE BOUGHT EVERY SINGLE SIPPIE CUP known to man. For reals. I have spent more money on sippie cups than on a pair of Jimmy Choos, and that my friend is a sin. I have bought fancy cups, plain cups, expensive cups, cheap cups, emergency cups and thought-out cups. I have ordered them from catalogs and websites. I have bought them from Walmart, Target and the grocery store. Total craziness but if you are a mom you know the importance of a sippie cup and if your not a mom you will. One universal trait all sippie cups share is this: they are NOT leak or spill proof. No matter what the packaging or advertising says. They are not. Period. Until now. I found this little beauty at none other than Jamba Juice. It was one of those panic moments when I was in for a long drive and realized I had forgot Little Misses cup. I just happened to be in J.J. getting a delicious Strawberries Wild when I looked over and saw this little green cup. It was so cute and I was desperate so I bought it on the spot. Best investment EVER. This baby is awesome. No leaks. No drips. No spills. You know when your kids leaves their sippie in the car seat and it sits upside down all day and you come out to put them in the car and it’s wet with apple juice and then you have to find something to put in the seat for your kid to sit on? Won’t happen ever again. I have put this cup to the test girls. Run out and get one today. I think I’m in love.
3. My eldest child will be 13 in less than two weeks. I will not write about this yet. He really wanted a new phone for Christmas but since we were not eligible for an upgrade and the phone was going to cost like $250 we decided to wait until his birthday. Saturday I took him with me to Michaels and then I made a surprise stop at the AT&T store. He was so excited and picked out this really cool green phone that slides out and flips over and apparently does anything and everything short of laundry. The result of this phone purchase is I am now the recipient of 127 text messages a day. Sometimes I am in the very next room and I will hear the little ding sound my phone makes and I am such a sucker because I think “Oh, wow someone is texting me” so I will get up and go check and read “Hi. Mom.” That’s it. I fell for it every time. I was not the lone recipient. He also drove my hubby crazy with such nonsense. He would have drove Jack crazy too but he got his phone taken away from him on Friday at school. Texting in class. Now I have to go sign it out in the office and if you think I am running down there for such silliness you don’t know me very well. The office can keep the dang thing for awhile. The rest of the story is this: I copied my phone log into my son’s so he can bother other people with texts and leave me alone. If you get a crazy (misspelled) text from an 858 number you’ll know who is responsible. Sorry but I was desperate.
I have a story for you. This really happened and it happened to me. I usually only hear about these things through some crazy junk email that I promptly send to trash. Soooo last week on Tuesday I worked all day long and then I came home and did the mom thing, picking up, cooking, etc… you know and so it was probably about 9:00 P.M. before I got in the shower. Now I love a hot shower at the end of the day and I mean really really hot and I like to stay in for extended periods of time. ANYWAYS, on this particular night as soon as the hot water touched my bare shoulders I yelped in pain. It really hurt me but the water wasn’t any hotter than usual so I was very confused as to what was going on. It felt like I had a sunburn and you know how good it feels to stand in a hot shower after being in the sun all day at the beach. NOT good. So as soon as I jumped out of the shower (okay so I just stepped out but I am trying to be interesting) I looked in the mirror and sure enough on both of my shoulders, just about where my bra straps go, there were large red welts or burns. SOOO weird. They hurt so bad. I showed them to my hubby and he said it looked like I had a reaction to something. Ya think? But to what? Well, the logical thing was to think my bra itself as the burns were only where my bra straps go. The next day I had little blisters on my skin just as if I had burnt myself in the sun. A few days later the burns had scabbed over (I still have them) and itched like crazy. Be patient my story IS going somewhere. I was sharing this strange occurrence with a friend at work (female of course) who thought it equally bizarre. Well guess what? Yesterday she brought in an article she found about Victoria Secret bras. Apparently I am not the only person who has had this reaction. Some lady is suing VS for medical expenses as she had terrible burns all over her chest area. She had her bra tested (you can do that?) and the lab results were astounding. The bra contained formaldehyde in it. FORMALDEHYDE. This is a chemical they use to preserve corpses. In the bra. Hello. So some people are allergic to formaldehyde. Uhh yeah. I would hope so. Did I mention I was wearing a BRAND NEW bra from Victoria’s Secret the day this happened. I might have left that out. Is this crazy stuff or what? Now you know someone who this really happened to – yours truly. My plan of action is simple – I am NOT going to sue V.S. nor am I going to run out and buy Sears bra’s but what I am going to do is make sure I wash the durn things twice before I wear them! All I can say is thank the Lord it wasn’t in my panties.
This is Fred. He is now dead. Fred was with us for 8 months which in goldfish years surely is like 80. When I first brought Fred home to live in our water fountain everyone rejoiced. There were fights over the feeding schedule. After a few mere days the excitement dwindled to a slight fizzle and before long I was the lone caretaker. Over the course of the past few months I have brought friends home for Fred. Alas, none of them lived past day one. Goldfish are delicate creatures you know, which is what made Fred special. He was of a hardier stock, probably bred in the harsh climate of the midwest. I, alone am responsible for Fred’s death. Saturday afternoon I noticed ants (the peskiest of insects) patroling my back patio. I immediately got out the ant spray and began eliminating the enemy. (Have I ever mentioned how much I HATE ants?) There was a slight breeze and while for a moment my mind registered the poison floating toward Fred’s home and settling on his water, I was immediately distracted by the sounds of my children UFC fighting in the trampoline. Sunday morning I went out, fish food in hand, only to discover Fred’s little corpse floating in the contaminated water. I am guilty. Guilty of murder in the first degree. I poisoned Fred. My children showed little interest. Even Analese who I thought surely would be a tad upset just looked at him and said “Ohhh. Poor fishy”, and then proceeded to get back to her Scooby Doo show. What is this world coming to? I still have not removed his body. I am waiting on Jack to take care of that. It’s the least he can do after abandoning poor Fred in life. This illustrates why my family and pets do not mix. I am lethal with a can of bug spray.
A few weeks back I found a link to a blog on a friends site. Does that make sense? I think it was on Girly Muse’s page. Anyhow, the title caught my eye: “Life is like a bowl of marbles.” Pretty funny. I really have not stopped thinking about that title. It got me to wondering what MY life is like a bowl of. Crazy, random thoughts I have. My first few ideas were terrible cliches but as I pondered I finally came up with a brilliant simile for the story of my life. So here it is. (My) Life is like a bowl of coconut macadamia gelato with a hair in it. That’s it. My life summed up in 14 words. Profound huh? Let me explain. My favorite grocery store has a wonderful gelato counter in it. I am not a huge fan of ice cream (with the exception of Blue Bell) but I LOVE gelato. I don’t really like grocery shopping but moseying along the aisles of Von’s with a bowl of gelato isn’t a bad way to spend and hour. One day this past summer I got my little scoop of coconut macadamia delight and started loading up my cart with hot pockets and Lucky Charms. I wasn’t really paying attention to my treat other than to enjoy every delectable bite when I looked down and lo and behold there was a hair in my gelato. Gross. I felt more than a little sick from the sight of the hair AND because I had to throw away the rest of my frozen sweets. Since I tend to not be one of those march right over and complain kind of people I just shrugged it off as an albeit nasty, still human error and went on my way. The next time I went to the store I got a cup of gelato and after careful scrutiny I enjoyed it once again. This is my point. I didn’t stop eating something I loved just because of one incident. I was just a little more careful. SOOOO this is like my life. It is sweet and a little nutty and occasionally has a hair in it. I don’t stop living because of the hair. I am just a bit more cautious. I still love life (and gelato). I thought it might be fun to ask my fellow blogging friends and even those who don’t blog but just read mine (of whom I am sure number in the thousands), what your life is. In a bowl. Tell me or perhaps even blog about it yourself. Maybe Oprah will read it and think it a marvelous idea and we’ll all get on T.V. and then she (Oprah) will offer to publish a book and we can be famous and rich. You never know. I am waiting to hear.